Well its been wild this past weekend. We had Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws and it was absolutely delish!!! They had SO much food!! Then we were part of the crazy people and went shopping! We got a lot of great stuff and we didn't run into one rude person!! People are so nice down here. I even struck up conversations with people. Weird for me...I know.
Well we also found out that our last IUI wasn't successful either. I took this one harder than when I miscarried. I don't know why its just I had so much hope for this one to work and when it didn't I was miserable. I was thinking why me. Have all my prayers just been whispered into the wind? Why should I keep thinking that things will go right for me and then realize they usually never do. Not for me. I was so mad at my belief/faith I refused to go to church Sunday. Yes, I was that angry. I couldn't comprehend why this was happening to me. I then chatted with my TT girls, Jeffrey, and my other half, Adam. It was hard for me to admit that I felt like a failure. The guilt I feel is horrible!!! I was a couch potato for two days. But talking it out helped. I still have some built up anger and I know Jeffrey has paid for it and I feel so bad.
I have also been scarce on FB...for a reason. No offense to anyone so please don't take this the wrong way. I can't really handle all my friends and there baby posts. I go through phases and right now it hurts and I can't handle it. So it is safer for me to just stay away. I do pop on every once an a while. It is me...thats all and that is how I will deal with my feelings right now.
So here we are...I went to Indy today to get my baseline for our next IUI. Well we get on with the ultrasound and there is a HUGE black spot in my right ovary. Yep...some of you guessed it. I have a 23mm cyst hiding in there. So no IUI this month. I will be on BC for this month to get rid of that cute little rock. Then as I bargained with Jeffrey after the new year we are moving on to IVF or Invitro fertilization. I will be on BC this month and in January. We will then start our road to IVF in February. This road will be a hard one. Its pretty scary and i'm really nervous about it, but I'm lucky I know a few people that have successfully gone through it. So if I have questions I know who to go to.
Please lets hope and pray that this is that last thing we will have to do to complete our family. We will need all the extra thoughts and prayers the next couple months.
And...as I say it once more....here we go!
Kristie, I am so sorry that this didn't take. Please keep faith and remember there is always a reason....I know it is so hard for you right now to even rationalize that statement and are probably sick of hearing it. It's ok to be mad at God. He gets it. He forgives it. But trust in God's timing, as he knows more than we do. I will continue to pray for you and Jeffrey. I don't know why this is happening to you. I know you would be great parents because you had great parents. I am not going to keep saying cliche things, just wanted you to know you are in my prayers always. With God all things are possible. Deb Raetz
ReplyDeleteI think of you and Jeffrey a lot. Know that you are in our family's thoughts and well wishes. Abbey Houser
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