Something about PCOS...not physical....mental...
The worst part could be the physical, but for some its the mental aspect. At first I felt alone, I wondered why me and why do I have to deal with all this. There was A LOT of tears shed. Some nights I cried myself to sleep. Now...I'm a church going girl. So my faith has been tested and I ask over and over that big question...WHY ME? But then I have to realize that this isn't just about me. It is about my husband too. My PCOS is altering his life too. Then I tend to feel worse...because I am preventing us from having kids. Its me.......
This whole thing isn't just physical...this could easily put people into a depression. I mean all you focus on is other people. All you see is everyone getting pregnant around you, family, friends, and yes even strangers. I am I happy for them? Oh yes! Then you start thinking again...when will I get to know that feeling? Then there are those dumb shows about teenagers being pregnant or the one where people didn't know they were pregnant. I don't even watch those. I can't bring myself to do it. Why would I do that to myself? So stupid...
I work in the school system. Some of those kids I would love to take home and just take care of. Then you wonder why where those idiots allowed to reproduce? But then I have to bring myself down back to earth and try not to be hateful. My faith has been tested BIG TIME through all this. I mean I wasn't a great Catholic through HS & College, but I had morals. I am one of those weirdos that saved herself for her wedding night. Also, I thought that was a gift I could give to my husband that would be his and only his. I was so scared that I would get pregnant and I wouldn't have been ready.
I'm staying upbeat about this. As I have looked back in the (almost) 5 years we have been married we had gotten by financially. If we had a baby/child to take care of there would have been NO WAY we would have bought this beautiful home that we are in now. I wouldn't have been able to be so active during the Fall and coach. I wouldn't be able to do Smith Walbridge for 3 weeks in the summer. I think that when God is ready then we will be. Until then I will stay upbeat...I'm going to keep trying to lose weight and I will win in the end...You will see...
wow, reading this is exactly how I have been feeling about PCOS!!! No matter what, it makes you feel alone in some ways and makes you feel like you are ruining the life of the one person you love more than anything! My hubby and I have been trying to conceive for 5 years now and it seems like we aren't going anywhere! I too have struggled with my faith and understanding why so many undeserving people can have children so easily yet some of us that would make great parents cant!! I know that through my faith in God and the support of friends and family I have been able to Deal with this as best I can. i want to wish you and Jeffery the best of luck with all of this. I do understand how you feel and if you ever need someone to talk to I would love to be that person!! thanks again for sharing and letting me know that Im not the only one with PCOS that feels that way too!!
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