Jeffrey's post from FB and my thoughts

My thoughts go right along with Jeffrey's it is amazing on what people say. I don't think they mean it, but it comes out all wrong. We are like any other couple. We argue (mostly because he doesn't listen...I'm clearly never at fault), we fight, we have our good times and bad. This has been the hardest thing we, as a couple, have been through. When we get through this we may look back and laugh. We are determined to let people know with infertility that they are not alone. They need to speak up and you will help someone. Then that one person can help someone else. Thats why I have this blog. To reach out to people that are afraid to speak out. You can talk to Jeffrey or I on FB we will listen! 

I am not a quitter. Lahey's are not quitters. We are fighters! Ask my family...

Jeffrey's Post

"There is an abundance of information and blogs out there targeting women, and their struggle with infertility, and even some for men who struggle with male factor infertility, but there is virtually nothing geared towards men who are struggling with their wife's infertility.  I also know several other guys on here that just might benefit from this post.  This is my creative outlet, so if you don't want to read further, don't. The following is a rant that has been building in me for a LONG time. 

Infertility is a b*tch.  Plain and simple.  Nothing I have experienced in my life could possibly prepare me for the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual pain and distress that my wife and I have gone through.  When we first started dating, all we talked about was getting married and having kids.  That was our plan, and our dream. 

However, life had something different in store for us.  We kept trying, and trying, and trying, to no avail. After trying a few different clinics for infertility treatments, we found a great one in Indianapolis.  In the meantime, we received a lot of STUPID comments from people-those that had no idea we were struggling, and those that did know.  Things like: "You're Catholic, shouldn't you have 5 kids by now?" and "Just relax, and it will happen." and "Are you sure you're putting it in the right hole?" and "You're trying too hard" and "Why don't you just adopt?" and one of my favorites, "We tried for THREE MONTHS to have our little one, so hang in there, I know what you're going through!".  While most of those comments were well-meaning, unless you have been through this, I don't WANT or NEED your advice. 

Unless you have seen your wife give herself softball sized bruises on her body due to daily shots, or witnessed her crying month after month due to a failed test, or become so spiritually drained that both of you refuse to go to church, or you have depleted all of your savings account for costly treatments, I don't want your advice. 

After going through multiple miscarriages, don't tell me it was "God's plan", or that "Everything happens for a reason".  Don't compare our pain and suffering to something that isn't even comparable, like not getting the job you wanted, or losing a puppy from a newborn litter.   If it were God's plan, he wouldn't have allowed the pregnancy to begin with.  Being in education, I find it hard to believe that we aren't meant to be parents, when there are so many children with inept parents at home, or better yet, children having children because they can't keep their parts in their pants!  Nothing infuriates me more than people that conceive after a $3 cheap drink and one night of fun, when we've spent THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of dollars just to make our family grow.  Am I bitter, angry, pissed off, cranky, grumpy, tired, and depressed? Hell yes, I am, and I have every reason to feel that way!

Bottom line, if you want to say something positive, or uplifting to us, just stick with "Hang in there", or "I'm sorry".  That goes a lot further with me than any of the other responses mentioned above."