Doctor Appt.

Well I'm back...Met with the Doc and he said that my insulin levels should be at at 10 or lower. I'm at an 11. Which he said isn't bad but he doesn't want it to get worse. Now when I was first diagnosed my insulin levels were double what the normal level should be. So i'm obviously getting a little better, but also the insulin is throwing off all my other hormone levels. So he is putting my back on Metformin (ugh...). This was the one that sometimes made me kind of sick. So he is putting me on an extended release version and it is a slower release than the normal one. I won't be able to drink but I don't do it to much anyway. I'm supposed to stay on my low carb diet and still doing my exercising. He recognized that I lost the 10 pounds and knew it wasn't easy. The Metformin will also help aide in the weight loss he said.

The sonogram did show cysts. There were a lot of small ones and a few larger ones. He isn't concerned about that much. If we get the insulin levels down they should hit the road to some degree. I'm staying on the same road that I have been on. I'm watching my calories and trying to exercise daily.

Mentally, Im exhausted. Its a lot to take in to go back to what I was doing a year ago. To be on this same road but I'm also in a better place. I'm about 10 pounds lighter and somewhat more motivated. T

he hardest part of today was sitting in the Doctors office and see at least THREE pregnant teens. I don't want to go into how it made me feel...I'm pretty sure you all can figure that out for yourself....

Friday is coming....

Well Friday is coming and that is the day that I find out what the doctor thinks of my progress, also what will come of my sonogram. I'm quite sure that she found something. But maybe i'm just being my stupid worrying self ya know. I'm just hoping for some good news. I am really trying to be positive and trying to ignore my thoughts. It is a lot easier that way...believe me! I'm a lot happier when I'm not thinking about getting pregnant. Although some of you would think that i'm avoid the issue and i'm not confronting it head on. You are exactly right. You know what happens when I do? I get depressed and I get super mad. So I do what I'm good at and I avoid the problem. So there we go! :) Friday I will post after I get back from the doc! :)

Picture Proof

This Shirt is a medium....just like the one I have on today in the picture below. 10 pounds makes a difference. Don't ya think?!?!?!

You are getting in my head...

Something about PCOS...not physical....mental...

The worst part could be the physical, but for some its the mental aspect. At first I felt alone, I wondered why me and why do I have to deal with all this. There was A LOT of tears shed. Some nights I cried myself to sleep. Now...I'm a church going girl. So my faith has been tested and I ask over and over that big question...WHY ME? But then I have to realize that this isn't just about me. It is about my husband too. My PCOS is altering his life too. Then I tend to feel worse...because I am preventing us from having kids. Its me.......

This whole thing isn't just physical...this could easily put people into a depression. I mean all you focus on is other people. All you see is everyone getting pregnant around you, family, friends, and yes even strangers. I am I happy for them? Oh yes! Then you start thinking again...when will I get to know that feeling? Then there are those dumb shows about teenagers being pregnant or the one where people didn't know they were pregnant. I don't even watch those. I can't bring myself to do it. Why would I do that to myself? So stupid...

I work in the school system. Some of those kids I would love to take home and just take care of. Then you wonder why where those idiots allowed to reproduce? But then I have to bring myself down back to earth and try not to be hateful. My faith has been tested BIG TIME through all this. I mean I wasn't a great Catholic through HS & College, but I had morals. I am one of those weirdos that saved herself for her wedding night. Also, I thought that was a gift I could give to my husband that would be his and only his. I was so scared that I would get pregnant and I wouldn't have been ready.

I'm staying upbeat about this. As I have looked back in the (almost) 5 years we have been married we had gotten by financially. If we had a baby/child to take care of there would have been NO WAY we would have bought this beautiful home that we are in now. I wouldn't have been able to be so active during the Fall and coach. I wouldn't be able to do Smith Walbridge for 3 weeks in the summer.  I think that when God is ready then we will be. Until then I will stay upbeat...I'm going to keep trying to lose weight and I will win in the end...You will see...