"Preeclampsia is a pregnancy complication characterized by high blood pressure and signs of damage to another organ system, most often the liver and kidneys. Preeclampsia usually begins after 20 weeks of pregnancy in women whose blood pressure had been normal. Even a slight rise in blood pressure may be a sign of preeclampsia.
Left untreated, preeclampsia can lead to serious — even fatal — complications for both you and your baby. If you have preeclampsia, the only cure is delivery of your baby." ~Mayo Clinic
Here is my story...
We decided to just try ONE MORE TIME. We went back to my fertility doctor where we had our last two ice babies. On September 28th I went in to transfer both ice babies (both 5 days and one was starting to hatch). We had the most perfect transfer. Everything went perfectly...even when we saw both eggs get transferred there was a high in the music they had playing. On 4dp5dt (4 days past 5 day transfer) I cheated and took a HPT (home pregnancy test) and saw a very very faint line. I knew something was up...since my heart rate changed too (thanks FitBit). I was floored! I did a HPT everyday until 13dp5dt. I had to make sure it was real, and I liked seeing the line get darker and darker. Our last transfer we did the November after we lost the twins...didn't work. So I was kind of surprised! Flash forward...6 weeks along we had an ultrasound. TWINS...AGAIN! We were excited!! We go back at 7 week along, one egg was a little smaller than the other. I go see them at 9 weeks. We had an ultrasound, we saw two sacs, one heartbeat. The one stopped growing at 7w4d. We were ok with it. That one was always smaller than the other and Dr. Dayal told us it probably won't make it. We were told that my body would just absorb it. They had it set up that every two weeks I would be seen by someone. You see after we lost the twins and I had so many miscarriages before it was recommended that I see a Fetal Medicine Specialist.
We made an appointment with Dr. Michael Paul at MOBAP (Missouri Baptist Medical Center). He met us when I was 13w2d. It was a long appointment. We had to go through my whole pregnancy history. It sucked having to relive every detail. Jeffrey had to do most of the talking about the delivery about the twins because I didn't remember a lot about the delivery of Marianna. I was on some pretty heavy pain meds. He decided it was a good idea that I get a cerclage put in. A cerclage is where they sew your cervix shut to prevent preterm labor. He likes to do them before 14 weeks. So that Friday (13w5d) we drove to MOBAP and checked into the hospital for my cerclage.
After that was done...this is where everything starts...
During Christmas break, (16w) I noticed my feet were swelling and my vision was changing. I had blurry vision only in the morning then after a while it would clear up. It started getting worse. The swelling and the blurry vision would last all day now. Not even keeping my feet elevated would help. On Jan 2nd I called the doctor's office at MOBAP and they told me to check myself into the hospital. Once we got a room they took my vitals and my blood pressure was 220/160. My blood pressure is always very regular at around 120/80, so this was not good. They immediately started me on a magnesium IV, which made me nauseous. When that didn't get my blood pressure down, I got started on an arsenal of medications until they found the right fit. I was admitted to the hospital. We were told that we needed to prepare to lose the baby at that point. My blood work showed that my blood platelets were low. Liver enzymes were elevated. Those were some signs of HELLP.
- H- hemolysis ( breakdown of red blood cells)
- EL- elevated liver enzymes (liver function)
- LP- low platelets counts (platelets help the blood clot)
americanpregnancy.org
After several up and down blood pressure readings, they decided to keep me there for monitoring, and I stayed there for 6 nights. I was put on bed rest, not allowed to return to work, and had to go back for weekly check ups. He diagnosed me with early onset of pre-eclampsia at 16w5d. Which as you can see the definition of pre-eclampsia doesn't happen until 20 weeks or after. I clearly like to be different and do things the hard way.
I was on about 12 pills a day. We had to get one of the daily medicine holders. Over the next 4 weeks I gained weight...over 50 pounds to be exact...in fluid. I couldn't lay flat because I couldn't breath correctly. So, I slept in the recliner. I was so round and my legs were so big, walking to the bathroom was a struggle. I was miserable. I didn't complain one bit. I wanted this pregnancy. I was willing to get over any hurdle. We were visiting the doctor weekly at this point. Gaining more weight...each appointment.
At our appointment when I was 20w6d. We packed all my things. Jeffrey was going to insist they admit me. We went in for our anatomy scan ultrasound. They weighed me...263...and I went back to get ready to see him moving around and kicking. We didn't see any of that. No movement. No heartbeat. We knew that when she went to get a doctor...it was over. I was wheeled to Labor and Delivery and put into a room. I didn't break down until I sat on the bed.
I remember sitting there crying, telling Jeffrey that I was sorry. I know that I didn't do anything wrong. What you may not understand about early infant loss is the overwhelming feeling that it WAS your fault. You did something, I knew it was not but it was all I could say. Jeffrey knows better and told me otherwise like he always does. He is usually almost always right. It felt like eternity until the nurse came back in. They did all the normal things. Vitals, information, etc. I had to get changed into a hospital gown. I knew the next steps. I remember a little bit already from Marianna. They would give me something to induce labor. Sounds easy right? Nope.
They had to monitor my blood pressure, I needed an IV started, I had to get my cerclage removed, and I knew I had to get an epidural. These all sound like easy steps for a normal person. Not for someone who has ballooned up. I was round. Every part of me! My legs, arms, hands, face, and belly. I felt like that girl from Willy Wonka, Violet Beauregarde, who eats the gum and blows up like a blueberry. No lie! They couldn't get an IV in because my arms were so swollen and my veins kept rolling. So they brought in this cool looking ultrasound machine. It was made to find veins! I watched in amazement as they found a vein around my elbow area that would work. Now with my IV in they can start giving me more of the Magnesium Sulfate (this is the stuff that made me sick last time). This time since my blood pressure wasn't as high they did it on a slower drip and I didn't get sick. That I was thankful for...
A little while later they came in to do the epidural, and everything seemed to go well. Until a little later, I found out that I could still feel my one leg. So Dr. Paul came in a while later to remove the cerclage. All he had to do was cut the thread that was holding my cervix shut. What most people don't know about me is that I have a high pain tolerance. I don't complain. I was taught early in life, "No Pain, No Gain" so I can handle a decent about of pain. Well, lets just say I felt EVERYTHING he did! The cerclage being cut and them putting in the catheter. I definitely should not have...come to find out that the epidural came out or moved because of the swelling of fluid in my back. Therefore, I had to have a second epidural. I am happy to say that this one worked. The nurse apologized over and over. I was just glad it worked. I was then given a pill to encourage contractions.
The contractions I felt are not like that ones people talk about with a normal pregnancy. These were the same as I felt with Malachi and Marianna. These contractions felt like I was really constipated. Gas pains. Cramps. Needing to go #2. Just more intense. So at about 2:30am on Feb 3rd my water broke. I knew from last time that he wouldn't be far behind. He wasn't. He was born about 2:40. He. was. PERFECT. He had Jeffrey's shovel nose. The Finley genes are strong! They nurses were amazing. I got to hold him and I remember holding him. He had 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect little toes. They did everything they do with all normal births. We got pictures. They dressed him with a tiny little coat and a tiny little hat. As she was dressing him she commented that he had no butt either (another Finley trait). He had a small blanket. He had a perfect little basket he was put in. See when babies are born this early and stillborn you have very limited time with them. They start to deteriorate fast once they are born. They kept him "cool" until a priest was able to come to do the blessing.
We had his name picked out before all this went down but after meeting him we changed it. I don't know why Matthias popped in my head but it just felt right. Carlen is a family name on Jeffrey's side. So, Matthias Carlen Finley was born and passed on February 3, 2018. A perfect angel that couldn't stay with us. He was too perfect for earth. He is now with our 4 other angel babies (early miscarriages), Malachi John, and Marianna Grace. On March 11th, he was laid to rest right next to his brother and sister here in Ste. Marie.
I remember sitting there crying, telling Jeffrey that I was sorry. I know that I didn't do anything wrong. What you may not understand about early infant loss is the overwhelming feeling that it WAS your fault. You did something, I knew it was not but it was all I could say. Jeffrey knows better and told me otherwise like he always does. He is usually almost always right. It felt like eternity until the nurse came back in. They did all the normal things. Vitals, information, etc. I had to get changed into a hospital gown. I knew the next steps. I remember a little bit already from Marianna. They would give me something to induce labor. Sounds easy right? Nope.
They had to monitor my blood pressure, I needed an IV started, I had to get my cerclage removed, and I knew I had to get an epidural. These all sound like easy steps for a normal person. Not for someone who has ballooned up. I was round. Every part of me! My legs, arms, hands, face, and belly. I felt like that girl from Willy Wonka, Violet Beauregarde, who eats the gum and blows up like a blueberry. No lie! They couldn't get an IV in because my arms were so swollen and my veins kept rolling. So they brought in this cool looking ultrasound machine. It was made to find veins! I watched in amazement as they found a vein around my elbow area that would work. Now with my IV in they can start giving me more of the Magnesium Sulfate (this is the stuff that made me sick last time). This time since my blood pressure wasn't as high they did it on a slower drip and I didn't get sick. That I was thankful for...
A little while later they came in to do the epidural, and everything seemed to go well. Until a little later, I found out that I could still feel my one leg. So Dr. Paul came in a while later to remove the cerclage. All he had to do was cut the thread that was holding my cervix shut. What most people don't know about me is that I have a high pain tolerance. I don't complain. I was taught early in life, "No Pain, No Gain" so I can handle a decent about of pain. Well, lets just say I felt EVERYTHING he did! The cerclage being cut and them putting in the catheter. I definitely should not have...come to find out that the epidural came out or moved because of the swelling of fluid in my back. Therefore, I had to have a second epidural. I am happy to say that this one worked. The nurse apologized over and over. I was just glad it worked. I was then given a pill to encourage contractions.
The contractions I felt are not like that ones people talk about with a normal pregnancy. These were the same as I felt with Malachi and Marianna. These contractions felt like I was really constipated. Gas pains. Cramps. Needing to go #2. Just more intense. So at about 2:30am on Feb 3rd my water broke. I knew from last time that he wouldn't be far behind. He wasn't. He was born about 2:40. He. was. PERFECT. He had Jeffrey's shovel nose. The Finley genes are strong! They nurses were amazing. I got to hold him and I remember holding him. He had 10 perfect fingers and 10 perfect little toes. They did everything they do with all normal births. We got pictures. They dressed him with a tiny little coat and a tiny little hat. As she was dressing him she commented that he had no butt either (another Finley trait). He had a small blanket. He had a perfect little basket he was put in. See when babies are born this early and stillborn you have very limited time with them. They start to deteriorate fast once they are born. They kept him "cool" until a priest was able to come to do the blessing.
We had his name picked out before all this went down but after meeting him we changed it. I don't know why Matthias popped in my head but it just felt right. Carlen is a family name on Jeffrey's side. So, Matthias Carlen Finley was born and passed on February 3, 2018. A perfect angel that couldn't stay with us. He was too perfect for earth. He is now with our 4 other angel babies (early miscarriages), Malachi John, and Marianna Grace. On March 11th, he was laid to rest right next to his brother and sister here in Ste. Marie.
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