I'm missing a piece of me...

I'm missing a piece of me and I'm OK with it! Gallbladder is gone!

The process was pretty easy! I slept through it. I was groggy yesterday and that was about it. I ended up with 4 little incisions on my stomach. If i move the wrong way, they hurt. If i bend over, they hurt. If I try to sit up from laying down, they hurt. If I cough, they hurt. So I am avoiding those few things that make me hurt. I am not allowed to to lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk. I will avoid heavy things also. I did venture out today and I walked across the street. It wasn't bad at all.

I refuse to let the pain bring me down. Tomorrow, I will attempt to go to school to get some more things done. I have had a few teachers offer to help in my room while I have been "out of commission" I hope they know how much I appreciate it. I really have amazing co-workers/administrators and I am truly blessed to work in the district I do. I will also try to go to band camp for Junior High Colorguard. I will not be able to do anything but I can at least be there.

Since I can't lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk and with Jeffrey having band camp I can not take care of Micah. This is summer is seriously killing me. This is the second time I can't physically take care of my own child. I'm so grateful to my family and friends here that have stepped in and helped us with Micah. With Jeffrey being gone with band camps and with me having a bunch of hospital visits I feel Micah has gotten the short end of the stick. Thank you to all of you that have watched Micah and made her feel loved and special.

....Random Thought....

This is not a slam against any other profession out there...but...

I sometimes feel no one understands or appreciates the life of a band/choir director. My husband loves teaching everyone else's (and his own) kid/s the love of music. I can never comprehend, with what little time he has with these kids, how he teaches them what he does! The difference in ability from 5th grade to 6th grade band is amazing! He obviously has help from the two other music teachers at the elementary. He is the only music teacher to see every band and choir student that Jasper County has in each program. He teaches 5th Grade Band, 6th Grade Band, 5th & 6th Grade Chorus, Junior High Band, Junior High Chorus, Assistant for the High School Band, and High School Chorus. I'm amazed how musically talented he is and that he is helping instill the love of music in each one of his students.
During June and July we have band camps. He is away from home during marching band season, (I am too) Aug - October. Then he is away during musical season, December - April. So you can do the math...he has about 2 months (during the school year) where he doesn't have to stay after school. He dedicates a lot of time and a lot of energy to his ensembles and his kids. He loves his job! He doesn't want to let anyone down. He also takes such good care of us here at home too. I am very blessed that he is such a supportive husband and an excellent father to Micah.

One more visit....

Well I guess I get to visit a hospital...one more time...

In my last post I talked about how I ended up in the ER with a gallbladder attack before we left for vacation. I went for a follow up with my doctor here at home. We talked and I told her my story. I also told her that Jeffrey and I plan to try again with IVF. She was so kind and told me that she has also gone through IVF three times. She told me that she is recommending that I have my gallbladder removed before we go back to St. Louis in October. If I were to become pregnant again and I were to have another attack it would put the baby and I at risk. So I agreed and she sent me to a specialist/surgeon.

His office called me later on Monday. They are aware I am a teacher so they decided that they want to get this done BEFORE school starts so I wouldn't be "out of commission" at the beginning of the school year. I met with him yesterday afternoon. He was very straight forward and told me everything that would happen. Again, I had to tell my story of what happened in the past month with the twins. He asked me if I was ever checked for endometriosis. I told him, "No." Honestly, it never crossed my mind. So he said that while he is "in there" he would take a look around. It made me giggle a little...Doctor humor...

So he sent in his nurse to schedule the surgery. Well, she said "he could do it Monday, Aug 8th." I think my jaw dropped! I didn't expect it to be THAT quick. I said OK and it has been scheduled for 10am. So please keep me in your thoughts on Monday morning as I will get this gallbladder removed.

I will be missing my brother and sister-in-laws baby shower and I have cried a few times because of it. She is so sweet and when I called she said that my health comes first and that I need to get this taken care of. I seriously have the most understanding family. I am very blessed! Love you guys!!!

Well my next post will be an update after Monday...here we go...one more time....

Well its been almost a month since we lost the twins. We think of them non-stop and we visit them often. It has been a really rough month. I still have somewhat of a pregnancy belly left. I'm almost back into regular clothes...I have a few more pounds to go.

July has been a HORRIBLE month for us. In total we have visited 4 different hospitals. Yeah you read that right 4!

June 27th - Richland Memorial...water broke.
June 28th - June 30th They sent us to Barnes Jewish in St.Louis
June 30th - Sent home
July 1st - Malachi John was born.
July 1st - 3rd - Stayed at St. Anthony's
July 3rd - Marianna Grace was born.
July 4th - sent home
July 10th - We buried our beautiful babies

July 22/23 - Palos Community Hospital

   This is the visit no one knew about. We drove up to Worth because we were leaving for vacation with my family the next day. Mom ordered pizza. We sat and ate dinner. Almost immediately, I start having a horrible and very sharp pain under my right rib. We got into the ER around 9 pm. and found out it was my gallbladder. I have gallstones. GREAT! The doctor told me that I will eventually need to have surgery to have it removed. They also found out that I was low on potassium. So they told me I needed a potassium drip in my IV. That...drip...SUCKS! It burned! I'm still dealing with the after effects. My arm is still sore. After that was done I was discharged and sent home at 4:30am. We left for Wisconsin at 10am.

I am on a diet of bland/low fat foods. I'm eating a lot of chicken and vegetables. So far so good!

I head back to St. Louis on Aug. 8th. She wants to make sure there is no scar tissue left. We will then prepare for a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) in October sometime. Keep us in your prayers as we progress in our journey.

We were put on this path for a reason. This life that was chosen for us hasn't been an easy one thus far. We are trying to keep our faith and keep pushing ahead.

We have been blessed......TWICE!

Well we have posted our good news all over Facebook. Our families have been notified. This is real...we are having twins...here is our story!

In January, I made an appointment to go see a different fertility specialist in St. Louis. We wanted a different opinion. A fresh eye to look at all my records and to see why I miscarried, why we could get pregnant but not hold the pregnancy. We had a lot of questions we wanted answered. I will never forget this appointment. This was the day my outlook changed. She was so positive and so upbeat! She wanted to do tests and get answers. We got started right away! I got a calendar and tests were ordered. We would finally get answers.

So I was test for "Natural Killer Cells". My test came back. My levels were elevated. So, to explain what NKC are...this is where your body thinks the embryo is a disease. Then, your body fights it off and it ends the pregnancy naturally. This was good news in our eyes. It gave us a reason WHY it happened. We wondered how they would treat this? Come to find out it was an easy fix!! Before we started IVF I would get a 2 hour lipids transfusion. Then if I were to get a positive pregnancy result I would get a second transfusion. Thats all. Why wasn't I tested for this before?

So now here we are at the beginning of February. I started all the shots and pills. A few weeks of that and we headed back for a check up on our follicles. I knew from the last few times that I would respond well. I saw on the screen a lot of little follicles. I lost count after 16! How exciting!! We drove back how to stay on the same schedule. Two more check ups and we were ready! I had a total of 31 follicles and a lot of them were mature. I was feeling "full" and at our last ultrasound she said that the follicles looked like cheese wedges! I laughed!! We would get a phone call on when to give the trigger shot. Then we would go back 36 hours later for retrieval.

36 hours later I was prepped and ready I don't remember all that much. ;) I eventually found out that she was able to get all 31 follicles. They were "mixed" and were learned that 18 of them fertilized! We now had to wait to see how many of them made it to day 5. We only hoped that we would get enough to transfer.

Day 5 we would come back to STL I would get to see "babies first picture" two beautiful embryos. One was already hatching! We had hope. They were of good quality. AB and BB! After this...comes the dreaded two week wait. I tried to keep busy and to not think of it. I was very bloated and already felt miserable. I was drinking gatorade and water. Eating salty foods trying to fight off OHSS. This is where, from the meds, that my ovaries would become overstimulated. I believe that I would have a mild case. I gained about 8 pounds of fluid. Then after about 5 days I started to feel better. My stomach wasn't as full and I started to feel normal.

Then 2 days later I ballooned up again! I was so surprised. I was feeling so gross. Then Jeffrey convinced me to take a pregnancy test the night before we go for my first blood test. I did...and then there it was...two pink lines! I was optimistic. My first blood test was 151. My first numbers have NEVER been that high! We wait....the numbers have to double. They almost did. She sent us another order for a third beta. The numbers were in the high 400. She was satisfied with this. So I had to schedule my second lipid infusion and ultrasound. We had to then just wait.

I was 7w4d when we did our first ultrasound. We had never made it this far before!! We just wanted to see a sac and hopefully hear a heart beat. Well so our surprise not only did we see one....we saw TWO! Two sacs....two heartbeats!!! Jeffrey smiled and giggled...I was silent...the thought in my head was CRAP lol. Twins...fraternal twins!!! Both eggs implanted. We couldn't believe it! We scheduled our next ultrasound for a week later.

I was 8w4d at the next one. We saw two sacs and two heart beats...AGAIN!! STRONG heart beats at that! At this appointment this is where my doctor introduced us to our gummy bears. Then she also told us this is where we would "graduate" to my regular OBGYN. It was bitter sweet and sad. She gave us something that my two previous doctors couldn't. A pregnancy that would make it past 8 weeks...

Here we are 9w6d and i'm feeling good. I have not been sick only a little bit of nausea. I have been very tired and I don't have much energy. I do need to sit a lot more than I used to. We thought about not telling people until 12 weeks but we know, by the way my clothes are fitting, that we physically wouldn't make it. I know it is early to announce this but we have come farther than ever. We want to celebrate this victory. Micah is our first child and the love of our lives. She will be a protective big sister. These babies may be growing inside me but Micah grew in my heart. I feel so blessed to get to finally get to experience pregnancy. I'm excited to experience the good and the bad. I will love every minute of it! I won't complain because it is truly a privilege. A privilege that some will never get to experience.

We will keep you all updated on our progress. Until then thank you for all the kind words, prayers, and positive thoughts. Please keep us in your prayers as we go through our next journey....pregnancy!

Baby A and Baby B Finley coming to you this fall! November 14th, 2016!!