Here we are 3 months after all bad happened...
This is the crap no one talks about after you lose your baby early. The death/burial arrangements, the after affects after birth, the doctor appointments, and the freaking endless amount of BILLS...and we still came home empty handed.
I mean you deal with the funeral/burial aspects...in the hospital, hours after you gave birth. I was so lucky that Jeffrey did almost all of the arrangements. Since we were out of state he had to be transferred at the state line. We are so very thankful for Barkley Funeral Home in Greenup. They handled the twins and now Matthias. They were absolutely wonderful and we are so grateful for them. The headstone and where they were to be buried. They are adding Matthias' name and date on the twin's headstone. We choose to have him buried right next to his siblings. We did not have to buy another plot as the casket was small enough to fit.
You know after you give birth to a baby you have them same after effects regardless if your child lived or not. This is what you aren't prepared for....Yes, your milk still comes in. Yes, it hurts even worse because it is a reminder that you don't have a baby to feed. You have to either let it come in and possibly donate it or try to get it to stop. You are still in maternity clothes. I'm not fully back into regular clothes yet either. This is again another reminder what your stomach used to look like when there was a living child making his home there. You loose your hair. I can't even begin to explain how much this one hurts. I didn't have much hair to begin with...but this...this is the worst. You still have stretch marks. Do not get me wrong I wear these marks with honor. It is just a constant reminder what used to be there.
The endless amounts of doctors appointments. My case was very severe, I have had more doctors appointments then I want to care to admit. Even 3 months out on average I am seeing a doctor every 2 weeks. All for different things! As of this past week, we finally found a blood pressure medicine/water pill combo that has made me feel like a human being again, and not a zombie.
I can interact with my kids. I can take them outside and let Micah play. I can't hold Maura very long because my arm muscle is gone. For my colorguard try outs I had to come up with a routine and have one of my seniors spin it for me to see if it worked and she had to teach it. I couldn't spin it...do you know how that made me feel? My one love of guard, to spin and teach, I couldn't even do that!! I have to build up my arm and leg muscles again.
DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON INSURANCE!! I am so blessed and glad we have insurance. Do not get me wrong. I have made so many phone calls. The other thing is that my new policy started on January 1st. When did I get admitted into the hospital the first time, January 2nd.... yep....I have been on the phone making sure that the insurance is straight. I am talking to insurance or my disability people once a week.
Sorry, this is just my rant. While the birth of a child is a beautiful thing...you need to remember some of us won't get to experience it the way most of the world will. Yet, we still have endure all the after affects. I am blessed I walked away alive. I have my family and my friends. I have finally been released to go back to work full time on Monday. While I have lost another child...I still need to look at it like this...I still have two girls at home that need their Mommy and one man that needs his wife.
