Micah Annelise

Well miss Micah is now officially a week old! What a week it has been. It had flown by! She is doing well too!! She sleeps about 4 to 6 hours at night. She cries only if she is dirty or hungry. She hardly fusses at all! She is a very good baby! Micah also had her first doctor appointment today. She was 7 pounds 11 oz when she was born. Today Micah weighed 7 pounds 5 oz. I know it is normal for babies to loose weight after birth. So I am not worried!

Now...WOW...I never ever thought that we would have ever gotten this kind of response. Thank you all for your prayers, support, and kind words. I can already tell that Micah with be loved from all sides. The support we have gotten from this community is overwhelming! Jasper County is a special place. Thank you all! Our families have showered little miss Micah with so much love too!

She may not have grown in my tummy but she has already latched onto my heart. She will be a daddy's girl for sure but she will be spoiled rotten by her mama!

Welcome Baby Finley!

Well first of all I would like to welcome to the world Micah Annelise Finley! She was born at 10:12am on 12/22/14. She was 7 pounds 11 ounces and 20 inches long. Now the story behind how we ended up with a baby in our home......

We got a call last Thursday night from our caseworker, Nina. I was freaking out because Jeffrey left 5 minutes before for his Christmas concert. She called to tell us that a birth mom would like to meet with us on Saturday afternoon. The kicker BM was due on Christmas day! Needless to say I was FREAKING OUT and I'm sure I sounded like a babbling idiot. I was in tears...happy tears! We were supposed to leave for Chicago and do our Christmas celebrating with my family. Those plans changed REALLY quickly. I only told a few people about Saturday. Which was really hard at school on Friday. I was pacing, very detached and not myself. I was a mess on the inside! So our neighbor Julie came over with some of her daughters old clothes and helped me install the car seat in the Journey. On Saturday we were SOOOOO nervous. We met with BM and her sister. Once the "ice was broken" we talked like we were old friends. The meeting lasted an hour and a half and our caseworker hardly had to talk. We found out that she had picked us! From Saturday on we would need our bags packed and be ready for a call anytime. Well then comes Monday 2:15am our phone rings. We were ready in 30 minutes and out the door....BM was in labor and we had to drive the longest 2 1/2 hours. We were in the waiting room when we got the word our little girl was born. The nurse came in and took our phones to get pictures! We were parents...our lives were flipped upside down in 2 days time. Most parents have 9 months...we had 2 days. We hadn't really eaten much. Our stomaches were in knots. The glow on Jeffrey's face was priceless. He was finally a daddy. We stayed for the required 24 hours with Miss Micah and then we got to leave after signing a Legal Risk document.

From Jeffrey's post....

"There is still a chance that we will not get to keep her, however. We signed what is called a "legal risk" to get to bring her home and have her here for Christmas. The 72 hours are up on Christmas Day, which would be when the birth parents can sign their surrenders, but the agency feels (and we agree) that knowing you "surrendered" your child on Christmas Day would be too hard to remember every year, so surrenders will be on Friday. After surrenders, she is still not legally "ours"; finalization of adoption will take place in June, which is called a "Gotcha Day". It might seek risky to take her home before surrenders are signed, but our case workers told us if there was any hint that the birth parents would change their minds, they wouldn't let us take her early.

Now, about the birth parents: this whole process us definitely changed our viewpoints. I know this isn't the case with every adoption, and we are quickly finding that ours is unique, but the birth parents, especially mom, are incredibly amazing. They wanted no assistance, were adamant that we make all the decisions from the beginning, stressed to us that WE were the parents, not them, and just made the whole situation so much easier for us than what it could have been. These birth parents were the first ones that have come in to the agency since we were able to be considered in June, and they picked us. We know that's not always the case. Please continue praying for them."

I know a lot of you may have questions about the adoption process. Our situation is VERY unique. Especially with Christmas here...If you have questions please ASK us! We will answer your questions. :)

The thoughts...in Kristie's head...

Please remember this is my blog and my thoughts and if you don't like it then don't read on...this is MY outlet...

Well it has been a while since I wrote in here. I've been, just here, I have had a hard couple months...mentally. To me...there has been A LOT of pregnancy announcements/births on FB. It is like a huge "LOOK AT ME" billboard. I need to take time to process these types of things/announcements. I need to accept them on my terms. I feel like people get offended if I don't say anything...but why say it when it is empty words? I'm hurting on the inside. Every new announcement is a new nail in my heart another reminder of my struggles to get pregnant. Having to deal with these feelings...it takes time. I get very upset and cry every time. I try to keep my feelings under control until I get home. Then I cry it out and I feel better for a little while. Then that wave hits and I go through it again. Talking about it is a circle. Jeffrey has heard it a million times. Yet, he listens and doesn't say a word and just holds me. It helps.

If you have not had to deal with infertility please don't tell me you know how I feel. Honestly, I really don't want to hear it. You seriously have no clue!! Don't tell me you understand my feelings because it took you a couple months to get pregnant. Don't tell me to relax, it will happen. Don't tell me it isn't my time yet. Don't tell me to stop thinking about it. Don't tell me God has a plan. Seriously, none of it helps.

I have had 2 miscarriages. Two times we got to see the positive line on that stick. Two times we got very excited. The second time would have been twins...but I lost the first pregnancy at 8 weeks and I lost the second one because they were ectopic. Having a double ectopic pregnancy with IVF is a 1% chance. Lucky us, we were the 1%! Both eggs implanted in places they shouldn't...in my tube and in my ovary. I had to get two shots of methotrexate (a cancer type drug) to help the eggs detach themselves. It took a couple months for my HCG levels to get to 0. Thats right...every week we had to get blood work done. Every week I went to the hospital. Every week I got blood drawn and every week I waited to hear my numbers and hoped they went down. If they didn't go down it meant surgery to remove them. The people in the lab got to know me and it seemed routine. If you have never had a miscarriage then you don't know the steps you go through and the feelings of just waiting to see that number hit 0 so you can try again. MONTHS OF WAITING!

So again don't tell me you know how I feel...

We are playing the waiting game with the adoption. We are really just waiting. We have the nursery set up and clothes in the closet. We have a stroller and carseats ready. The door to the nursery is closed. I want it to be open and hear noise coming from it. I want to be tired from being up all night. I want to look a mess. I want to have a stinky diaper to change. I want to be thrown up on in the middle of the night. You parents out there have NO IDEA how lucky you are to have a child. Yet some of you complain on FB about some or all of those things. I see it and look at it a different way...through my eyes...

We have still a ways to go on our fund raising. So we have decided to start spreading the news about a great company we have decided to start working with. They are all about people and their products. The products are toxin free and green. If you want more info let me know.

I write here because I need a place to vent. I am not looking for pity either. So don't give it to me. I was clearly given this path because I could handle it. I need a place to write my feelings down. I always feel better after I write. If this offends you feel free to unfriend me. It won't hurt my feelings any.

Our Adoption Journey.....so far.....

Well here we are almost at the end of July. I'm still at camp at EIU. Some of you are wondering well how is everything panning out with our adoption process....here it is...

We have completed all the steps that we needed to so far. Thanks to you all we were able to raise the first half of what we needed to get into "the book". We (ok mostly Jeffrey, we all know my spelling/writing abilities) filled out the pages and pages of paperwork. Our "Dear Birth Mother" letter is completed. The picture book with our story is also completed. We are very blessed to have Megan in our lives. She designed the birth parent letter and our photo book. She is SO talented!!! If you need anything done with computer graphics or design wise SHE is the one to go to! (Plug for you T-Megs!!!) We attended our 16 hour class and the session of marriage counseling. We are so close...we now just wait...and shop...and shop...and shop...

We started a wish list to get an idea of things we may need. Some of our friends/families have given us suggestions on what to have! Its so nice for all the input! My parents bought the crib and Jeffrey's parents bought the dresser. We have a toy box and a theme, I think, we are going with. We have A LOT of diapers of all sizes. We have wipes and a couple containers of formula. We bought a couple bottles and some essential items needed IF we get a call. We ordered a glider too!! I have been asked more than once...so I will tell you all now...we will have a shower AFTER the placement is FINAL. We totally understand everyone's excitement...we are also that excited!

Birth mom cannot sign over her rights until 72 hours AFTER birth. Therefore when we get the call, Jeffrey and I will be going to the hospital. That is it. NO ONE ELSE. It is a HUGE gamble and until birth mom signs over her rights NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is for sure. I'm really firm on this and I want Jeffrey and I to have that time. Sorry to everyone else but this is something we have really thought about. I don't want others there incase things don't go well.

Well...here goes nothing!

I'm starting a new road today. It is not going to be easy. I may struggle at times, but that is ok. I need a new start. I need a new me. I'm sick of feeling so blah. I don't like regretting everything I have put in my mouth. I don't like thinking, "I shouldn't eat that" or  "How may carbs am I really ingesting?" I'm sick of feeling bloated and not wearing something because I don't like the way it looks. I'm sick of feeling fat. I'm sick of not being happy in my own skin. PCOS has changed my way of life. It has killed my fertility and I have gained close to 60 pounds since high school and I'm only 5'2"!! I have health risks I have to think about now. If I don't change SOMETHING then I could become diabetic, have high blood pressure, have heart issues, and some other things too. I have come to realize that maybe my health is more important and maybe having a child that has mine and Jeffreys genetic makeup (if it is possible) is kind of important to me too. I need to start taking care of me. So today I will start taking care of me. I'm going to try and stay clean and start a weight loss program that is OK with PCOS. I probably won't lose weight as fast as some other people on this program BUT any loss will help. I will keep walking with my walking buddies and we will help each other. I will lean on my family for support which I know I will get, because that is what families do. I will come out a better me. I will be happier. I want to change. So I will....

Adoption excitement!

Well everyone I think you can see where we decided to go with our choice. We are actively pursuing adoption and getting the house ready for a home study; which, I didn't realize would take so much extra work! I'm so glad that we have made some wonderful friends down here that have that kind of background in construction or just wanting to help regardless. I never figured that so many would just offer to do whatever we needed. I wish I could think of a way to thank them, but for now just a plain ole "Thank you" will have to do. :)

Jeffrey did start a gofundme ( <--- Thats the link...right there) account for us. We are actively saving on our end and leaning on our friends and family to help us. I am seriously blown away by everyones generosity. I never ever expected all this help!! We met the first part of our goal of $8,000 in 5 days! This chunk of money pays for a lot of things. I think the most important is the book. We are now able to get our picture book out there so that "mothers to be" will be able to view us, hear our story, and get to know about our life here in Jasper County!

I can't even express the humbling feeling Jeffrey and I have. Some of you have given a lot of money and we don't know how to react other than "are they serious?" or "that is too much!" One note we got brought me to tears. Their children get to work with Jeffrey and I in different capacities. It was very touching. I guess you just never realize the impact you have on the children you work with even when you are just doing your job. All the kind words and messages of hope are so encouraging and it really makes me realize we made the right choice!

I took some pictures of some things around Ste. Marie and Newton, especially around our home and our church. Good thing my momma got me a professional camera for Christmas (probably another sign)!!! We are going to MAKE our picture books. With a little help from our friend Megan, aka T-Megs, who does computer design stuff for a living (WOOP WOOP)! They will look awesome and I hope they will stand out from the rest. We need two of them, one for the Mt. Vernon office and one for the Belleville office.

We have to pay a total of $16,000 for the whole thing!! EEEK....But.....it will be worth it in the end! We will have Baby Finley, my parents will become first time grandparents, Jeffrey's parents will have another grandchild added and this child will be SPOILED ROTTEN and LOVED beyond belief from BOTH sides of our family. I hope that the "mothers to be" will realize that!

IVF....adoption....what is going on??

I know this doesn't happen very much....but seriously people i'm lost.

Let me start from the beginning. Jeffrey and I have ALWAYS wanted to adopt. Our plan from when we were dating was to have our family and then adopt because we wanted to be able to give a child a good home and a steady life. So this route was always going to happen regardless. Now that I have had issues with holding a pregnancy this is just changing our perspective on everything.

.......Enjoy my thinking out loud.......

Do we actively pursue adoption solely? Pour all of our time and money into something that will be a FOR SURE thing. That in the end we will walk out of this with a child in our arms. BUT we know there could be ups and downs with this process too. That baby would be loved SO much and have such a great future. He/She would have a HUGE family to love them.

Do we put off some of the adoption process to do another round of IVF and chart off into an unknown future of this not working again? Or it working and me having to possibly deal with ANOTHER miscarriage while I'm at camp in July? Or it could work and I could have a totally normal pregnancy...But then I think...Will I ever get the feeling of a baby in my tummy? Will I know what it is like to be pregnant and to have a child of our own? Is this really important to me...UGH I DONT KNOW!!!!!

Or do we pursue the adoption route and once that is settled then do another round of IVF after? My age is going to start being a major player in that arena. I mean IVF isn't going anywhere. I could probably stay on birth control just to keep me moving. I'm so confused I don't know where to go with my thoughts anymore.

My question is how on God's green earth are we going to afford adoption?!?!? Its SO expensive...we thought about maybe trying a gofundme thing but I feel horrible taking peoples money...AHHHHH.......

I would appreciate your opinions and thoughts and nice words and encouragement and stuff.