Adoption excitement!

Well everyone I think you can see where we decided to go with our choice. We are actively pursuing adoption and getting the house ready for a home study; which, I didn't realize would take so much extra work! I'm so glad that we have made some wonderful friends down here that have that kind of background in construction or just wanting to help regardless. I never figured that so many would just offer to do whatever we needed. I wish I could think of a way to thank them, but for now just a plain ole "Thank you" will have to do. :)

Jeffrey did start a gofundme ( <--- Thats the link...right there) account for us. We are actively saving on our end and leaning on our friends and family to help us. I am seriously blown away by everyones generosity. I never ever expected all this help!! We met the first part of our goal of $8,000 in 5 days! This chunk of money pays for a lot of things. I think the most important is the book. We are now able to get our picture book out there so that "mothers to be" will be able to view us, hear our story, and get to know about our life here in Jasper County!

I can't even express the humbling feeling Jeffrey and I have. Some of you have given a lot of money and we don't know how to react other than "are they serious?" or "that is too much!" One note we got brought me to tears. Their children get to work with Jeffrey and I in different capacities. It was very touching. I guess you just never realize the impact you have on the children you work with even when you are just doing your job. All the kind words and messages of hope are so encouraging and it really makes me realize we made the right choice!

I took some pictures of some things around Ste. Marie and Newton, especially around our home and our church. Good thing my momma got me a professional camera for Christmas (probably another sign)!!! We are going to MAKE our picture books. With a little help from our friend Megan, aka T-Megs, who does computer design stuff for a living (WOOP WOOP)! They will look awesome and I hope they will stand out from the rest. We need two of them, one for the Mt. Vernon office and one for the Belleville office.

We have to pay a total of $16,000 for the whole thing!! EEEK....But.....it will be worth it in the end! We will have Baby Finley, my parents will become first time grandparents, Jeffrey's parents will have another grandchild added and this child will be SPOILED ROTTEN and LOVED beyond belief from BOTH sides of our family. I hope that the "mothers to be" will realize that!

IVF....adoption....what is going on??

I know this doesn't happen very much....but seriously people i'm lost.

Let me start from the beginning. Jeffrey and I have ALWAYS wanted to adopt. Our plan from when we were dating was to have our family and then adopt because we wanted to be able to give a child a good home and a steady life. So this route was always going to happen regardless. Now that I have had issues with holding a pregnancy this is just changing our perspective on everything.

.......Enjoy my thinking out loud.......

Do we actively pursue adoption solely? Pour all of our time and money into something that will be a FOR SURE thing. That in the end we will walk out of this with a child in our arms. BUT we know there could be ups and downs with this process too. That baby would be loved SO much and have such a great future. He/She would have a HUGE family to love them.

Do we put off some of the adoption process to do another round of IVF and chart off into an unknown future of this not working again? Or it working and me having to possibly deal with ANOTHER miscarriage while I'm at camp in July? Or it could work and I could have a totally normal pregnancy...But then I think...Will I ever get the feeling of a baby in my tummy? Will I know what it is like to be pregnant and to have a child of our own? Is this really important to me...UGH I DONT KNOW!!!!!

Or do we pursue the adoption route and once that is settled then do another round of IVF after? My age is going to start being a major player in that arena. I mean IVF isn't going anywhere. I could probably stay on birth control just to keep me moving. I'm so confused I don't know where to go with my thoughts anymore.

My question is how on God's green earth are we going to afford adoption?!?!? Its SO expensive...we thought about maybe trying a gofundme thing but I feel horrible taking peoples money...AHHHHH.......

I would appreciate your opinions and thoughts and nice words and encouragement and stuff.

New month....New start?

We had our phone consultation with our doctor. We talked about our new road and the next steps. It was a nice talk. She was so apologetic about our last episode and the fact we had to drive over there so many times in rotten weather. Not that any of that was her fault but it was nice she cared and that we aren't a number over there. Ok fine I will get on with it...because I know what you are thinking..."WHAT DID SHE SAY!!!!!"

Well now that the pregnancy is finally resolved/over. She thinks that we would be able to try again in June. So we will get to try one more time! I'm excited and I am going to find out hopefully tomorrow more. I have some more questions and they told me to call if I did. SO ANYWAY! I'm back on birth control. This will keep my cycles going and "normal". They have upped my Metformin (freaking finally...it wasn't doing anything since I have been on the same dose since it was prescribed to me when I was still at Effingham.) I am also back on my pre-natals!

I'm so excited! Although I need to lose at least 10 pounds. I think I can do it. I plan on walking a lot, doing my videos, and being a good girl. We will see! Hopefully with a lot of support from Jeffrey and my neighbors who won't let me say no to walking I will be fine and hopefully lighter in a few months. :)

I am also seeing a chiropractor. I feel like it is a good idea. Im also going to look into acupuncture. They offer it in the same complex as the fertility clinic. So I feel like we need to go all out to make sure i'm in alinement and getting some extra help. Since this will most likely be our last shot at having our own children. So think about us often and just know that I will update y'all when I know more. :)

Numbers...eh...who needs em...

Well guys and gals...how is it going? We are doing ok over here! Hanging in there as best as possible actually. So since my last post we had another blood test done. My HCG numbers were still rising. On Tuesday we had to go to my doctor's Champaign clinic and get another shot of methotrexate. This shot made me sick to my stomach all week. To the point that I was having pop in the morning (instead of breakfast) just to clam it down. I was VERY tired and I still can't do things for long periods of time without getting tired. LAME!

So I had to go to the hospital on Friday (yesterday) to get my blood drawn. If the HCG level did NOT decline I would have to go in for surgery. Well finally something went right. My numbers went from 504 to 354! Which means the shot is working!! I still have to get my blood drawn to make sure the numbers are still declining but NO SURGERY!! WOOOO!!!! I will officially be in the clear when the numbers are 5 or below. So we wait...but we are finally getting past this nastyness if that is what you want to call it....

So this is good news and honestly it is weird to feel happy about it. But whatever I didn't want to have surgery! We now have to wait to see when and if we can try again. My insurance only covers $20,000 fertility lifetime. So money wise we need to see what it will cover when we try again. We don't know what I have used of that $20,000. It sucks to be honest!!! I really hope that we can try again. I'm just super saddened by the whole prospect. WE will find a way to try for our own still. :)

So my day on Friday started off average. I got that call from the doctor and I was happy! It was a good day. I get the mail and I have a card from my other half = A great day! He has really been there for me and pretty much kept me from falling apart completely through this whole thing. I have been pretty down in the dumps since we found out that we would loose this pregnancy too and he has kept me above water. Telling me things I didn't want to hear but needed to. Sometimes when you send someone a card with a hand written note it can make their day. Even though our schedules are crazy and I hardly see him its nice to know he is there 100% of the time. Everyone needs someone like that...

Jeffrey has really been a trooper throughout this whole thing. On days that we had to be up early and get to the doctor, no complaints. On those days were we would have to travel to Indy and then later that night he would have to be at school till 9pm because of musical, no complaints. We have been through a lot as a couple. A lot of stress, a lot of heartache, a lot of loses. But here we are stronger and closer than ever. He will always be my rock. We laugh through the pain, smile through the disappointments, and love through heartache. Infertility will not win. We will overcome it somehow, someway, and we will be a stronger couple because of it. You wait and see...

Moving on...Moving up...Moving along

Well I know a lot of you are asking or wondering what is going on with us. So I said I would blog about it and help put those questions at ease. Be prepared...its a long one....

Well we did have the WHOLE IVF process done. I took the shots for a couple weeks. We had a lot of little follicles  I think I had 21 in both ovaries that were mature enough. We go in for retrieval day they were about to get 9 follicles from the right ovary. My left ovary was not acting as it should. They were not able to get any from my left. Out of the 9, 7 follicles were fertilized. I go in for the transfer day. We did a 5 day transfer. Which means they let the embryos grow and multiply for 5 days under an incubator. We had 4 make it to day 5. They took the 2 best ones and those 2 were the ones that they transferred to me. The other 2 they wanted to watch for another day to see how they develop. The 2 stopped developing so we were not able to freeze any embryos from this round.

Then...we started "the wait". Every night I got a shot in the behind. Jeffrey couldn't do it. I'm glad I have a wonderful neighbor willing to poke my behind. :) We had to wait 10 days for our first blood test to see if it worked. Well...I cheated and took a home pregnancy test that morning of the test. I figured if I would just do it and get my disappointment over with. Well there was a very FAINT line next to the control line. We were cautiously optimistic. We still wanted the blood test confirmation so we waited to hear. That afternoon it was confirmed my beta was 16, which any number above 5 is a positive. I was also only 10dp5dt (10 days past a 5 day transfer).

So we kept going back for blood tests. My next number was 36 which was double. So things were going up nicely. We waited four days and the next test was an 89. My numbers were technically supposed to quadruple. They almost only tripled. I was not happy. Then my next test the numbers went down to 77. In any pregnancy the numbers are NOT supposed to dip at any point. My next blood test was 134. That phone call came from my doctor. I knew at this point it wasn't good.We were told that the pregnancy was most likely ectopic. Which means that the embryo implanted somewhere OTHER THAN the uterus. We wouldn't know anything until they saw me and did an ultrasound.

With a normal pregnancy you can't see anything on the ultrasound until your beta numbers are over 1,000. They day we went in my beta numbers went up to 222. So we weren't surprised when we didn't see ANYTHING in the uterus. During that ultrasound they saw two fluid sacs one in my tube and one in my ovary. She then determined it was ectopic. So on Tuesday we had to hang around Indy and go to St. Vincent's Hospital. I had to get a shot of methotrexate. It is a chemo drug. Basically what it does is helps the embryo detach itself from the tube. If it doesn't work I would have to go back for another shot. If the numbers have still not declined then I would have to go in for surgery. My beta numbers were 304 on Friday. BUT that is normal for the numbers to rise after the shot. Tomorrow's test is the important one. The numbers have to go down or else I will have to get another shot.

I have been spotting and well seeing "stuff". I won't go into detail because you don't need that visual, but I can tell you this round is over for us. We already mourned about it. We cried about it (well I did a lot of it). Those of you who knew what was going on thank you for your kind words and gestures. My school family was very generous, even though they didn't all know what was going on. Jeffrey and I are very very grateful for all the nice things people have done/said. Please don't feel like you need to do anything for us. We don't want a pity party. We are a strong couple and will come out of this with a little one. Whether the baby it is from my tummy or from my heart he/she will be loved unconditionally.

Please realize that this isn't over for us. Ever since we were dating we talked about adoption. We knew we wanted to adopt because every child deserves a chance. We were going to start our own family then adopt. Well since we are having a hard time with the first part we are starting the adoption process. It can take up to two years. We plan to possibly do another IVF round depending on my insurance.

We will have our family one way or another. Don't give up on us...I'm sure as heck not! I am a strong person and I can take what is thrown at me. I may get knocked down but I ALWAYS get back up.

Jeffrey's post from FB and my thoughts

My thoughts go right along with Jeffrey's it is amazing on what people say. I don't think they mean it, but it comes out all wrong. We are like any other couple. We argue (mostly because he doesn't listen...I'm clearly never at fault), we fight, we have our good times and bad. This has been the hardest thing we, as a couple, have been through. When we get through this we may look back and laugh. We are determined to let people know with infertility that they are not alone. They need to speak up and you will help someone. Then that one person can help someone else. Thats why I have this blog. To reach out to people that are afraid to speak out. You can talk to Jeffrey or I on FB we will listen! 

I am not a quitter. Lahey's are not quitters. We are fighters! Ask my family...

Jeffrey's Post

"There is an abundance of information and blogs out there targeting women, and their struggle with infertility, and even some for men who struggle with male factor infertility, but there is virtually nothing geared towards men who are struggling with their wife's infertility.  I also know several other guys on here that just might benefit from this post.  This is my creative outlet, so if you don't want to read further, don't. The following is a rant that has been building in me for a LONG time. 

Infertility is a b*tch.  Plain and simple.  Nothing I have experienced in my life could possibly prepare me for the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual pain and distress that my wife and I have gone through.  When we first started dating, all we talked about was getting married and having kids.  That was our plan, and our dream. 

However, life had something different in store for us.  We kept trying, and trying, and trying, to no avail. After trying a few different clinics for infertility treatments, we found a great one in Indianapolis.  In the meantime, we received a lot of STUPID comments from people-those that had no idea we were struggling, and those that did know.  Things like: "You're Catholic, shouldn't you have 5 kids by now?" and "Just relax, and it will happen." and "Are you sure you're putting it in the right hole?" and "You're trying too hard" and "Why don't you just adopt?" and one of my favorites, "We tried for THREE MONTHS to have our little one, so hang in there, I know what you're going through!".  While most of those comments were well-meaning, unless you have been through this, I don't WANT or NEED your advice. 

Unless you have seen your wife give herself softball sized bruises on her body due to daily shots, or witnessed her crying month after month due to a failed test, or become so spiritually drained that both of you refuse to go to church, or you have depleted all of your savings account for costly treatments, I don't want your advice. 

After going through multiple miscarriages, don't tell me it was "God's plan", or that "Everything happens for a reason".  Don't compare our pain and suffering to something that isn't even comparable, like not getting the job you wanted, or losing a puppy from a newborn litter.   If it were God's plan, he wouldn't have allowed the pregnancy to begin with.  Being in education, I find it hard to believe that we aren't meant to be parents, when there are so many children with inept parents at home, or better yet, children having children because they can't keep their parts in their pants!  Nothing infuriates me more than people that conceive after a $3 cheap drink and one night of fun, when we've spent THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of dollars just to make our family grow.  Am I bitter, angry, pissed off, cranky, grumpy, tired, and depressed? Hell yes, I am, and I have every reason to feel that way!

Bottom line, if you want to say something positive, or uplifting to us, just stick with "Hang in there", or "I'm sorry".  That goes a lot further with me than any of the other responses mentioned above."

SNOW SNOW AND MORE SNOW...shesh...

Well here we are...January 7th and still not back in school. We were supposed to go back on the 2nd. We got so much snow that the drifts are so high and they are impassable. The country roads are horrible...and so are the main ones. We have been pretty much home bound. BORING!!! Blah...

So we traveled to indy today...DEAR GOD! It took us 5 hours..and me freaking out every time the Jeep moved weird. The roads were ice covered and snow covered. The main interstates were horrible. There was SO many semi's and cars off the sides of the roads it was ridiculous. I'm so glad Jeffrey is such a good driver and he took his time. We were on the road for a total of 10 hours...it was a LONG DAY!

We got to the clinic and they were SO understanding. They got us in 2 hours after my original appointment time. They are soooooooo great there. It made Jeffrey's day since we got his favorite ultrasound lady. She explained everything. So, I have 21 measurable follicles (meaning the ones that will mature and are viable to use) and I had more little ones too. I'm pretty much stacked full right now. It gets pretty uncomfortable wearing real clothes so I'm living in Yoga pants...DON'T JUDGE ME. My follies are averaging about 13's and 14's. (Remember.....18 is mature).

We have to go back Friday for another check up. My guess is she is going to trigger me soon. Growing slow is good. We don't want to rush it. :)

Ok loyal followers....this will probably be one of my last posts for a while. Not that I dislike you all...but if something were to happen positive or negative it is for us to deal with. I hope you all understand!! Peace out girl scouts! ;)