EH...you know...

Well its been so bleh the past couple days. I haven't had the energy to get my butt up and do something. I think I may have a "visitor" coming which would make sense to how nothing yesterday satisfied the craving. I don't know what I wanted but nothing made it better. Stupid girl problems..

Well I haven't been walking well since last week since i'm waiting for the mondo blister to heal itself. We are almost there! W00T! See...

So I think a few more days and it will be healed over enough for me to start walking again. Well to at least walk in a pair of gym shoes where it doesn't hurt. Yay!!! Although I may miss my swagger I have had...don't be jealous...

So its been a while...

Well school is over and I'm back. I know I was away for almost 2 months and my cousin reminded me I stopped blogging. Well here we are...I fell off the wagon. I'm sure I have gained weight back. I'm back on my bike and should start doing my videos again. Last weekend I walked 39.9 miles for the Avon walk for Breast Cancer. Needless to say I have a few blisters. :) So walking is out of the question until my blisters heal. It was easier when I wasn't working everyday. Well if you didn't know in April I was called to be a one on one sub aide for a child.  So I was so excited about that and it was nice to work every day. Although it was harder to keep up with what I was doing.

I am on the extended release Metformin and its not affecting me like the normal stuff did. Which is great! My doctor also prescribed me birth control. Well lets talk about that....Jeffrey went to get them for me and he told me the two of them together we 96 dollars. Yep you heard that right...the birth control was 81 dollars....not the metformin! I was PISSED! Sad thing is it was $81 with a $10 coupon. So you bet your butt Im not buying that stuff. My body will start being weird again, all off balance, but whatever...I'm paying $100 a month on my doctor bills from that place. So there was no way that I was forking out anymore money. No offense I do want a child but we will go bankrupt trying to get any of those treatments because if you are pursuing infertility treatments without insurance you have to pay up front in the full amount.

Especially now that we know Jeffrey's schedule next year we won't have time for our dogs almost let alone if we had children. It will be awful and he won't be home much. So I'm thinking this is God helping us out in a weird way. We both love what we do during the summer/fall. Marching band is our life during that time. Say what you will about band but this activity has taught me more then sports ever did.

Doctor Appt.

Well I'm back...Met with the Doc and he said that my insulin levels should be at at 10 or lower. I'm at an 11. Which he said isn't bad but he doesn't want it to get worse. Now when I was first diagnosed my insulin levels were double what the normal level should be. So i'm obviously getting a little better, but also the insulin is throwing off all my other hormone levels. So he is putting my back on Metformin (ugh...). This was the one that sometimes made me kind of sick. So he is putting me on an extended release version and it is a slower release than the normal one. I won't be able to drink but I don't do it to much anyway. I'm supposed to stay on my low carb diet and still doing my exercising. He recognized that I lost the 10 pounds and knew it wasn't easy. The Metformin will also help aide in the weight loss he said.

The sonogram did show cysts. There were a lot of small ones and a few larger ones. He isn't concerned about that much. If we get the insulin levels down they should hit the road to some degree. I'm staying on the same road that I have been on. I'm watching my calories and trying to exercise daily.

Mentally, Im exhausted. Its a lot to take in to go back to what I was doing a year ago. To be on this same road but I'm also in a better place. I'm about 10 pounds lighter and somewhat more motivated. T

he hardest part of today was sitting in the Doctors office and see at least THREE pregnant teens. I don't want to go into how it made me feel...I'm pretty sure you all can figure that out for yourself....

Friday is coming....

Well Friday is coming and that is the day that I find out what the doctor thinks of my progress, also what will come of my sonogram. I'm quite sure that she found something. But maybe i'm just being my stupid worrying self ya know. I'm just hoping for some good news. I am really trying to be positive and trying to ignore my thoughts. It is a lot easier that way...believe me! I'm a lot happier when I'm not thinking about getting pregnant. Although some of you would think that i'm avoid the issue and i'm not confronting it head on. You are exactly right. You know what happens when I do? I get depressed and I get super mad. So I do what I'm good at and I avoid the problem. So there we go! :) Friday I will post after I get back from the doc! :)

Picture Proof

This Shirt is a medium....just like the one I have on today in the picture below. 10 pounds makes a difference. Don't ya think?!?!?!

You are getting in my head...

Something about PCOS...not physical....mental...

The worst part could be the physical, but for some its the mental aspect. At first I felt alone, I wondered why me and why do I have to deal with all this. There was A LOT of tears shed. Some nights I cried myself to sleep. Now...I'm a church going girl. So my faith has been tested and I ask over and over that big question...WHY ME? But then I have to realize that this isn't just about me. It is about my husband too. My PCOS is altering his life too. Then I tend to feel worse...because I am preventing us from having kids. Its me.......

This whole thing isn't just physical...this could easily put people into a depression. I mean all you focus on is other people. All you see is everyone getting pregnant around you, family, friends, and yes even strangers. I am I happy for them? Oh yes! Then you start thinking again...when will I get to know that feeling? Then there are those dumb shows about teenagers being pregnant or the one where people didn't know they were pregnant. I don't even watch those. I can't bring myself to do it. Why would I do that to myself? So stupid...

I work in the school system. Some of those kids I would love to take home and just take care of. Then you wonder why where those idiots allowed to reproduce? But then I have to bring myself down back to earth and try not to be hateful. My faith has been tested BIG TIME through all this. I mean I wasn't a great Catholic through HS & College, but I had morals. I am one of those weirdos that saved herself for her wedding night. Also, I thought that was a gift I could give to my husband that would be his and only his. I was so scared that I would get pregnant and I wouldn't have been ready.

I'm staying upbeat about this. As I have looked back in the (almost) 5 years we have been married we had gotten by financially. If we had a baby/child to take care of there would have been NO WAY we would have bought this beautiful home that we are in now. I wouldn't have been able to be so active during the Fall and coach. I wouldn't be able to do Smith Walbridge for 3 weeks in the summer.  I think that when God is ready then we will be. Until then I will stay upbeat...I'm going to keep trying to lose weight and I will win in the end...You will see...

Doctor Appt. and PCOS stuffs :)

Well I went to the OBGYN this morning for my sonogram of my cervix and my ovaries. That was NOT very comfortable...at all! Although There were somethings that I saw and she worked on the screen that I was a tad leery about. I shouldn't get all worked up and I shouldn't have gone online and looked at other sonograms but oh well. It makes me nervous and I have to wait until April 13th to find out everything. I mean I really wouldn't be surprised if he says there are cysts. I mean I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome...It is kind of implied. 


My concern is the whole factor of as of right now we are paying FOR EVERYTHING out of pocket. I don't have insurance anymore and I can't get coverage because of the PCOS. If I do have them (the cysts)...and the Doc wants them removed...yep I think we will be in trouble. Just to get my blood work done it was over $400. I don't want to know what the sonogram cost. Honestly we were in there for 10 minutes...if that.


So enough about that...I know a few of you out there either have or suspect they have PCOS. Here are some questions that I can answer for you...

PCOS Questionnaire

When were you first diagnosed?

Feb 2008

How old were you, when you were diagnosed?
 
25 (almost 26)

How old are you now?

30

Had you heard about PCOS before your diagnosis?

Actually no. I just thought that my periods were irregular because I was so athletic. 

Looking back, what were your symptoms before you were diagnosed? 

irregular period (once didn't have it for a year), weight gain, acne, hair growth in places where it shouldn't be

What medications do you take, related to PCOS? 

Birth control pills. I did try Metformin but the way it reacted with my body was unpleasant. I hated it. I also took diet pills (prescribed by my doctor to help with the weight loss) and they were not fun either.

If you take medications not related to PCOS, what are they, and what are they for?
 
I'm not currently not on anything. Although Pre-natal vitamins are just fine.

How are your symptoms now?

They are present. The most visible is the hair growth. My arms and face are the most visible  and I try and keep them in check. The weight loss is slow but its happening. It took me three months to lose 10 pounds. I am ok with that.

Is your doctor meeting your needs? 

YESSSS!!! After years of not knowing why I wasn't having a period a friend recommended to me her OBGYN office. I found a younger OBGYN that not only knows but SPECIALIZES in PCOS. He is great and doesn't bull shit me. He tells me what we are going to do and how we will get there. 

What are your biggest fears, about the PCOS? 

That I won't be able to have my own family. I won't be able to give my husband a gift that he so desperately wants (and me too). Don't get me wrong adoption is one option that we are going to do before all this PCOS crap started. 

Other than your doctor, do you turn to other PCOS resources?

Not necessary. I joined a forum in 2006 while I was planning my wedding. Back then I never thought that this group of girls would be such a HUGE influence and support system. I can say that I have friends all over the US and Canada. Some of them have PCOS so it was a relief to me. I love those girls.

Have you switched to an Endocrinologist?
 
No

What meal/exercise plan works well for you? 

Right now I am watching my calories. I stay under 1500 and I try to do some sort of cardio exercise 30 minutes a day 4 to 5 days a week. I stay away from sugars (minus my pop). I was never a big candy eater anyway. Although my biggest weakness is Reese Peanut Butter cups. Stupid delicious candy...

What was your healthiest weight?

In high school probably 135. I am now 182 and my next mini goal is 175. I hope I get there! :)

What is your current weight? 

Like I said....182

What is your goal weight? 

160

Do you want children?

Yes...YES...YES!!!

If you do/don’t, how do you feel about other women, who don’t have PCOS, that do/don’t want children? 

That is honestly their opinion. I personally don't care what other women say/think. The only thing that hurts is when people hide the fact their pregnant from me. I'm not going to crumble into a bunch of pieces. I will be just as happy for you. I'm a big girl.

If at all, how has your relationships changed with your friends and relatives, since your diagnosis?

It hasn't. Other than I know some of them follow my blog and keep up with me. I will gladly answer questions. I'm doing this blog so I can reach out to those who won't speak up. I want other girls to be aware of the symptoms and to get it checked out before it gets to far. PCOS is hereditary. I warned my sister and her doctor is aware that I have it and is watching her. Although PCOS didn't kick in for my until I got to college when I wasn't so active in sports anymore. BE AWARE OF YOUR BODY!!!