We have been blessed......TWICE!

Well we have posted our good news all over Facebook. Our families have been notified. This is real...we are having twins...here is our story!

In January, I made an appointment to go see a different fertility specialist in St. Louis. We wanted a different opinion. A fresh eye to look at all my records and to see why I miscarried, why we could get pregnant but not hold the pregnancy. We had a lot of questions we wanted answered. I will never forget this appointment. This was the day my outlook changed. She was so positive and so upbeat! She wanted to do tests and get answers. We got started right away! I got a calendar and tests were ordered. We would finally get answers.

So I was test for "Natural Killer Cells". My test came back. My levels were elevated. So, to explain what NKC are...this is where your body thinks the embryo is a disease. Then, your body fights it off and it ends the pregnancy naturally. This was good news in our eyes. It gave us a reason WHY it happened. We wondered how they would treat this? Come to find out it was an easy fix!! Before we started IVF I would get a 2 hour lipids transfusion. Then if I were to get a positive pregnancy result I would get a second transfusion. Thats all. Why wasn't I tested for this before?

So now here we are at the beginning of February. I started all the shots and pills. A few weeks of that and we headed back for a check up on our follicles. I knew from the last few times that I would respond well. I saw on the screen a lot of little follicles. I lost count after 16! How exciting!! We drove back how to stay on the same schedule. Two more check ups and we were ready! I had a total of 31 follicles and a lot of them were mature. I was feeling "full" and at our last ultrasound she said that the follicles looked like cheese wedges! I laughed!! We would get a phone call on when to give the trigger shot. Then we would go back 36 hours later for retrieval.

36 hours later I was prepped and ready I don't remember all that much. ;) I eventually found out that she was able to get all 31 follicles. They were "mixed" and were learned that 18 of them fertilized! We now had to wait to see how many of them made it to day 5. We only hoped that we would get enough to transfer.

Day 5 we would come back to STL I would get to see "babies first picture" two beautiful embryos. One was already hatching! We had hope. They were of good quality. AB and BB! After this...comes the dreaded two week wait. I tried to keep busy and to not think of it. I was very bloated and already felt miserable. I was drinking gatorade and water. Eating salty foods trying to fight off OHSS. This is where, from the meds, that my ovaries would become overstimulated. I believe that I would have a mild case. I gained about 8 pounds of fluid. Then after about 5 days I started to feel better. My stomach wasn't as full and I started to feel normal.

Then 2 days later I ballooned up again! I was so surprised. I was feeling so gross. Then Jeffrey convinced me to take a pregnancy test the night before we go for my first blood test. I did...and then there it was...two pink lines! I was optimistic. My first blood test was 151. My first numbers have NEVER been that high! We wait....the numbers have to double. They almost did. She sent us another order for a third beta. The numbers were in the high 400. She was satisfied with this. So I had to schedule my second lipid infusion and ultrasound. We had to then just wait.

I was 7w4d when we did our first ultrasound. We had never made it this far before!! We just wanted to see a sac and hopefully hear a heart beat. Well so our surprise not only did we see one....we saw TWO! Two sacs....two heartbeats!!! Jeffrey smiled and giggled...I was silent...the thought in my head was CRAP lol. Twins...fraternal twins!!! Both eggs implanted. We couldn't believe it! We scheduled our next ultrasound for a week later.

I was 8w4d at the next one. We saw two sacs and two heart beats...AGAIN!! STRONG heart beats at that! At this appointment this is where my doctor introduced us to our gummy bears. Then she also told us this is where we would "graduate" to my regular OBGYN. It was bitter sweet and sad. She gave us something that my two previous doctors couldn't. A pregnancy that would make it past 8 weeks...

Here we are 9w6d and i'm feeling good. I have not been sick only a little bit of nausea. I have been very tired and I don't have much energy. I do need to sit a lot more than I used to. We thought about not telling people until 12 weeks but we know, by the way my clothes are fitting, that we physically wouldn't make it. I know it is early to announce this but we have come farther than ever. We want to celebrate this victory. Micah is our first child and the love of our lives. She will be a protective big sister. These babies may be growing inside me but Micah grew in my heart. I feel so blessed to get to finally get to experience pregnancy. I'm excited to experience the good and the bad. I will love every minute of it! I won't complain because it is truly a privilege. A privilege that some will never get to experience.

We will keep you all updated on our progress. Until then thank you for all the kind words, prayers, and positive thoughts. Please keep us in your prayers as we go through our next journey....pregnancy!

Baby A and Baby B Finley coming to you this fall! November 14th, 2016!!

My life is changing...

My life has changed....

I have started making more decisions...for me. Some small...some larger. For those of you that know me this is HUGE. I'm a people pleaser. I do what others think I should do. I want to make sure others are happy before me. That is how I have always been. Lately, I have started making decisions for me which is weird...but I am a little happier...

We now have an active infant. She is our life and we want to spend all our extra time with her. I love staying home, because traveling with her is a little different now. She doesn't just fall asleep in her car seat anymore. She is so busy looking out the window and checking out the world outside. I don't blame her I do the same thing.

My life since school got out has been spent in the car and band camps. Since I don't get a pay check in the summer my band camps ARE my paycheck. We lost the most loving person in the WHOLE world in June, my Grandma. We spent a lot of time up north in June. We saved every penny took out a couple loans and were able to finish paying the adoption agency. We FINALLY officially adopted Micah. I had guard camp for a week with my Newton girls in June too. I needed to work ALL my camps this summer we needed the money for Micah's fees.

Then July came...and went! I spent ALL of July at band camps. I had SWC the first three weeks and Newton's band camp the last week of July. I missed my families vacation (again) to Minocqua and two weddings in July too. It was heartbreaking to miss both weddings, since both are family to me, but I HAD to make a choice. I know it probably wasn't the most popular one. I'm sure some people are irritated or disappointed, but it was the best for my little family.

Is that selfish of us? You may think so, and that is your opinion. We don't! Until you exhaust all of your resources and savings on trying to have a child of your own then you have no idea how we feel. We waited 7 years to have a child. We went through years of fertility treatments in Indianapolis. The driving. The schedules. The appointments. The tests. The pain. The needles. The drugs. The bruises. The miscarriages. The negatives. The disappointment. I was a hormonal mess. We waited this long for a child. We are going to do everything in our power to spend all of our time with her and spoil her rotten.

Micah Annelise

Well miss Micah is now officially a week old! What a week it has been. It had flown by! She is doing well too!! She sleeps about 4 to 6 hours at night. She cries only if she is dirty or hungry. She hardly fusses at all! She is a very good baby! Micah also had her first doctor appointment today. She was 7 pounds 11 oz when she was born. Today Micah weighed 7 pounds 5 oz. I know it is normal for babies to loose weight after birth. So I am not worried!

Now...WOW...I never ever thought that we would have ever gotten this kind of response. Thank you all for your prayers, support, and kind words. I can already tell that Micah with be loved from all sides. The support we have gotten from this community is overwhelming! Jasper County is a special place. Thank you all! Our families have showered little miss Micah with so much love too!

She may not have grown in my tummy but she has already latched onto my heart. She will be a daddy's girl for sure but she will be spoiled rotten by her mama!

Welcome Baby Finley!

Well first of all I would like to welcome to the world Micah Annelise Finley! She was born at 10:12am on 12/22/14. She was 7 pounds 11 ounces and 20 inches long. Now the story behind how we ended up with a baby in our home......

We got a call last Thursday night from our caseworker, Nina. I was freaking out because Jeffrey left 5 minutes before for his Christmas concert. She called to tell us that a birth mom would like to meet with us on Saturday afternoon. The kicker BM was due on Christmas day! Needless to say I was FREAKING OUT and I'm sure I sounded like a babbling idiot. I was in tears...happy tears! We were supposed to leave for Chicago and do our Christmas celebrating with my family. Those plans changed REALLY quickly. I only told a few people about Saturday. Which was really hard at school on Friday. I was pacing, very detached and not myself. I was a mess on the inside! So our neighbor Julie came over with some of her daughters old clothes and helped me install the car seat in the Journey. On Saturday we were SOOOOO nervous. We met with BM and her sister. Once the "ice was broken" we talked like we were old friends. The meeting lasted an hour and a half and our caseworker hardly had to talk. We found out that she had picked us! From Saturday on we would need our bags packed and be ready for a call anytime. Well then comes Monday 2:15am our phone rings. We were ready in 30 minutes and out the door....BM was in labor and we had to drive the longest 2 1/2 hours. We were in the waiting room when we got the word our little girl was born. The nurse came in and took our phones to get pictures! We were parents...our lives were flipped upside down in 2 days time. Most parents have 9 months...we had 2 days. We hadn't really eaten much. Our stomaches were in knots. The glow on Jeffrey's face was priceless. He was finally a daddy. We stayed for the required 24 hours with Miss Micah and then we got to leave after signing a Legal Risk document.

From Jeffrey's post....

"There is still a chance that we will not get to keep her, however. We signed what is called a "legal risk" to get to bring her home and have her here for Christmas. The 72 hours are up on Christmas Day, which would be when the birth parents can sign their surrenders, but the agency feels (and we agree) that knowing you "surrendered" your child on Christmas Day would be too hard to remember every year, so surrenders will be on Friday. After surrenders, she is still not legally "ours"; finalization of adoption will take place in June, which is called a "Gotcha Day". It might seek risky to take her home before surrenders are signed, but our case workers told us if there was any hint that the birth parents would change their minds, they wouldn't let us take her early.

Now, about the birth parents: this whole process us definitely changed our viewpoints. I know this isn't the case with every adoption, and we are quickly finding that ours is unique, but the birth parents, especially mom, are incredibly amazing. They wanted no assistance, were adamant that we make all the decisions from the beginning, stressed to us that WE were the parents, not them, and just made the whole situation so much easier for us than what it could have been. These birth parents were the first ones that have come in to the agency since we were able to be considered in June, and they picked us. We know that's not always the case. Please continue praying for them."

I know a lot of you may have questions about the adoption process. Our situation is VERY unique. Especially with Christmas here...If you have questions please ASK us! We will answer your questions. :)

The thoughts...in Kristie's head...

Please remember this is my blog and my thoughts and if you don't like it then don't read on...this is MY outlet...

Well it has been a while since I wrote in here. I've been, just here, I have had a hard couple months...mentally. To me...there has been A LOT of pregnancy announcements/births on FB. It is like a huge "LOOK AT ME" billboard. I need to take time to process these types of things/announcements. I need to accept them on my terms. I feel like people get offended if I don't say anything...but why say it when it is empty words? I'm hurting on the inside. Every new announcement is a new nail in my heart another reminder of my struggles to get pregnant. Having to deal with these feelings...it takes time. I get very upset and cry every time. I try to keep my feelings under control until I get home. Then I cry it out and I feel better for a little while. Then that wave hits and I go through it again. Talking about it is a circle. Jeffrey has heard it a million times. Yet, he listens and doesn't say a word and just holds me. It helps.

If you have not had to deal with infertility please don't tell me you know how I feel. Honestly, I really don't want to hear it. You seriously have no clue!! Don't tell me you understand my feelings because it took you a couple months to get pregnant. Don't tell me to relax, it will happen. Don't tell me it isn't my time yet. Don't tell me to stop thinking about it. Don't tell me God has a plan. Seriously, none of it helps.

I have had 2 miscarriages. Two times we got to see the positive line on that stick. Two times we got very excited. The second time would have been twins...but I lost the first pregnancy at 8 weeks and I lost the second one because they were ectopic. Having a double ectopic pregnancy with IVF is a 1% chance. Lucky us, we were the 1%! Both eggs implanted in places they shouldn't...in my tube and in my ovary. I had to get two shots of methotrexate (a cancer type drug) to help the eggs detach themselves. It took a couple months for my HCG levels to get to 0. Thats right...every week we had to get blood work done. Every week I went to the hospital. Every week I got blood drawn and every week I waited to hear my numbers and hoped they went down. If they didn't go down it meant surgery to remove them. The people in the lab got to know me and it seemed routine. If you have never had a miscarriage then you don't know the steps you go through and the feelings of just waiting to see that number hit 0 so you can try again. MONTHS OF WAITING!

So again don't tell me you know how I feel...

We are playing the waiting game with the adoption. We are really just waiting. We have the nursery set up and clothes in the closet. We have a stroller and carseats ready. The door to the nursery is closed. I want it to be open and hear noise coming from it. I want to be tired from being up all night. I want to look a mess. I want to have a stinky diaper to change. I want to be thrown up on in the middle of the night. You parents out there have NO IDEA how lucky you are to have a child. Yet some of you complain on FB about some or all of those things. I see it and look at it a different way...through my eyes...

We have still a ways to go on our fund raising. So we have decided to start spreading the news about a great company we have decided to start working with. They are all about people and their products. The products are toxin free and green. If you want more info let me know.

I write here because I need a place to vent. I am not looking for pity either. So don't give it to me. I was clearly given this path because I could handle it. I need a place to write my feelings down. I always feel better after I write. If this offends you feel free to unfriend me. It won't hurt my feelings any.

Our Adoption Journey.....so far.....

Well here we are almost at the end of July. I'm still at camp at EIU. Some of you are wondering well how is everything panning out with our adoption process....here it is...

We have completed all the steps that we needed to so far. Thanks to you all we were able to raise the first half of what we needed to get into "the book". We (ok mostly Jeffrey, we all know my spelling/writing abilities) filled out the pages and pages of paperwork. Our "Dear Birth Mother" letter is completed. The picture book with our story is also completed. We are very blessed to have Megan in our lives. She designed the birth parent letter and our photo book. She is SO talented!!! If you need anything done with computer graphics or design wise SHE is the one to go to! (Plug for you T-Megs!!!) We attended our 16 hour class and the session of marriage counseling. We are so close...we now just wait...and shop...and shop...and shop...

We started a wish list to get an idea of things we may need. Some of our friends/families have given us suggestions on what to have! Its so nice for all the input! My parents bought the crib and Jeffrey's parents bought the dresser. We have a toy box and a theme, I think, we are going with. We have A LOT of diapers of all sizes. We have wipes and a couple containers of formula. We bought a couple bottles and some essential items needed IF we get a call. We ordered a glider too!! I have been asked more than once...so I will tell you all now...we will have a shower AFTER the placement is FINAL. We totally understand everyone's excitement...we are also that excited!

Birth mom cannot sign over her rights until 72 hours AFTER birth. Therefore when we get the call, Jeffrey and I will be going to the hospital. That is it. NO ONE ELSE. It is a HUGE gamble and until birth mom signs over her rights NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is for sure. I'm really firm on this and I want Jeffrey and I to have that time. Sorry to everyone else but this is something we have really thought about. I don't want others there incase things don't go well.

Well...here goes nothing!

I'm starting a new road today. It is not going to be easy. I may struggle at times, but that is ok. I need a new start. I need a new me. I'm sick of feeling so blah. I don't like regretting everything I have put in my mouth. I don't like thinking, "I shouldn't eat that" or  "How may carbs am I really ingesting?" I'm sick of feeling bloated and not wearing something because I don't like the way it looks. I'm sick of feeling fat. I'm sick of not being happy in my own skin. PCOS has changed my way of life. It has killed my fertility and I have gained close to 60 pounds since high school and I'm only 5'2"!! I have health risks I have to think about now. If I don't change SOMETHING then I could become diabetic, have high blood pressure, have heart issues, and some other things too. I have come to realize that maybe my health is more important and maybe having a child that has mine and Jeffreys genetic makeup (if it is possible) is kind of important to me too. I need to start taking care of me. So today I will start taking care of me. I'm going to try and stay clean and start a weight loss program that is OK with PCOS. I probably won't lose weight as fast as some other people on this program BUT any loss will help. I will keep walking with my walking buddies and we will help each other. I will lean on my family for support which I know I will get, because that is what families do. I will come out a better me. I will be happier. I want to change. So I will....